Tears

 We said goodbye to our kitty today. There was a brief moment last week after I found out we couldn't keep him where I tried to slide the sleel bars down over my heart and not let any more love creep in for this little fur-child.

Why? To save myself more pain? To make saying "goodbye' a little easier?

It didn't work. He wormed his way right into the cracks between the bars and nestled in to stay. I've always had a very sensitive heart; one prone to loving and hurting easily. Most people will never know how easily they can bruise this heart of mine because it's easy to pretend that things don't hurt as deeply as they do. Or maybe others scorn a sensitive heart, branding it as "weak" or "silly."

I thought about posting a quick sentence about his leaving but then realized, this is me. It's okay to admit when I'm hurting. It's okay to receive comfort. It's something I've had to learn since being here in Chicago. Being "Miss Tough Guy" doesn't help anyone, least of all, me!

I grew up with cats and have had some very special ones in my life. Cats who came during the very worst of times and provided a constant presence of comfort and love and cats who were here during the best of times.

I have missed having a kitty in my life and I was really excited to become a kitty-mommy again.

So pardon me if I tear up for a little while. I'm still looking around waiting for my little buddy to come snuggle in my lap. I'm still listening for his footsteps as he scampers around the room playing. I'm still listening for his baby meows. I'm still finding little kitty toys on the floor. There's still a dish of water and a dish of half-eaten food sitting on my bathroom floor. And a cat carrier with his soft, blue blanket inside.

But he's not here. And I'm really sad tonight.

And I'm thankful for the little arms that wrapped around me this afternoon, giving innocent love and comfort.

We all miss you, Friedrich.