Welcome!

Early this morning, my sister and her husband welcomed their first little baby into the world! I barely got a wink of sleep last night with all the texting and updates going on from my mom:) In between texts, I kept dosing and dreaming the weirdest dreams.

This sweet little baby is a true miracle baby! An answer to many prayers; a gift. I can't wait to meet her in person and see my sister as a little mama:)

Welcome, Evelyn Riley!! Your auntie loves you!!

Waiting...

Well, we are waiting. Wondering why you haven't heard much from me? That's b/c I have been in labor off and on since Saturday night! Things fizzled out after 2 hours on Saturday but I started to feel bad Sunday and went into true labor last night while making dinner.

We went to the hospital when contractions were every 2 minutes and getting intense. The nurse in triage was impressed with all the contractions and said we'd be heading upstairs soon. I was dialating and everything...only to have contractions fizzle out after 10 hours around 4 this morning.

We were sent home in "early labor" and I have been feeling incredibly nauseous and horrible today and yet....baby is still not coming!

Please pray that things can get moving soon, as my mom is already here and we are mentally and physically exhausted. I have a dr's appt tomorrow so we'll see what's happening.

Until then? We wait...

36 Weeks!

Wow. 36 weeks FINALLY! It's really nice to say I have less than a month and only 4 weeks to go! Feels like I have been pregnant....forever!

I:

*Am ready ready ready ready to be done.

*Have started to have a lot of lower back pain in past week

*Have a little swelling in the evening sometimes which is weird b/c I've never had it before!

*Am starting to have people eye me like the baby's going to fall out soon

*Feel like the baby's going to fall out soon

*Am dialated 2 cm already!

*Am definitely having a lot of contractions these days but know this could go on for awhile...

*Have decided to evict Baby E in about 2 weeks:) haha

*Cannot wait to meet her!

(I really don't like this picture at all but B refused to take another one. Doesn't he know what it's like to want to feel at least semi-attractive when you are about 2 years pregnant? I guess not...)

She:

*Is supposedly head down and feels like she wants to break free

*Still likes music

*Is still pretty active for running out of room..

*Is measuring perfectly so far so I hope she's not too big!

*Is so loved by her big brothers already

*Is going to be born loving Mexican food, Guacamole and Tums

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 Finished her quilt/blanket!

Hope she likes it!

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I just want to thank all of you SO much for your prayers. I really felt them today and appreciate you walking beside me as I battle this!

Fear and Freedom

Fear: (as defined by dictionary.com)

"a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. "

I struggle with fear. I think the most intense battle I have ever had with fear, I fought about a year and a half ago, not long after my back injury. I went to a women's retreat, which I REALLY didn't want to go to and ended up really being set free from some things from my past. My friend who prayed for me warned me not to be surprised if I was spiritually attacked in the next few weeks afterwards. I was. I have never, ever experienced fear like that in my life. It's hard to even put into words what it was like.

But after intense prayer from friends and family and memorizing Bible verses, I was really set free! I really felt peace for the first time in a LONG time. I happen to think that Satan (I really hate typing that word!) really likes to attack us in vulnerable times and sometimes with the same-old, same-old tactics that have always worked before.

Sometimes we are so strong and sometimes we are weak. Maybe I am weak right now because we are coming down off of a couple of months of intense stress. And I'm slightly hormonal and possibly 17 years pregnant....

But I am really struggling with fear right now and I am asking for you to cover me in prayer! What am I afraid of? Right now it's all about the baby. I have longed with my whole heart for a baby girl for...well, it feels like forever! I prayed for her for a year before we got pregnant and we found out about the baby during a really difficult winter season. I had been praying and asking God what He had for us in this next year (we go by academic years around here!) and asked Him to give us some hope and something to really look forward to, to know that He was with us.

He gave us our baby.

I cannot express to you how very much I want her. I dream about her, try to imagine what she looks like. I think thoughts to her and even talk outloud to her when no one else is around. I have prepared so many things for her. We named her so early on and she is a part of our family already!

And I am so very afraid lately of losing her. Or something happening to me.

So why this fear? Probably because from a very early age I learned something from my earthly father. To be afraid and to expect bad things to happen because I "deserved" it. I feel like I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something I want very badly? Sure, here it is...and then take it away! It happened a lot to me as a child. Cruel things that left a deep scar on my heart and affected how I even view my heavenly Father.

Everytime I work through things, God gets a little deeper into my heart; underneath the scars and old wounds that I thought were healed. A lot of fear roots were scraped out during and after that women's retreat I went to. But there is still some there.

And I'm asking you to pray for the rest of the roots to be pulled out so I can really experience freedom and peace! I want to trust that God is with me no matter what happens. But also to feel peace as I wait to hold this precious baby in my arms in just a few weeks. I want freedom!

Freedom to live and to be thankful for the many, many blessings I have in my life!

Week-END!!

I must say that I look forward to Saturdays especially now that everyone is in school. It is SOOOOO nice to have a quiet day where we don't have to rush out of the house, talk to anyone (unless we want to!), get dressed....it's a lazy refreshing day!!!

My favorite things about THIS weekend so far:

1) Finally finishing a sweater for my newest nephew. Nowhere near the caliber of some other knitting geniuses I know (ahem, Danielle!) but I'm proud!

2)Finger Food Friday! We decided to take a siesta from friday night pizza night and do only finger foods. Big hit with the boys! We had pigs in a blanket, mini pizzas, cubed cheese, lots of veggies and watermelon!

3) Building forts in the living room:) The perfect hide-out for little boys! I have such great memories of building forts when I was little...

4) Two happy fort-dwellers

5)Homemade crock-pot applesauce filling the air with delicious scents!!

6)Working hard ALL day on sweet baby things! I finished 2 flannel receiving blankets....

 7) And 14 burp clothes! (ignore the yellow picture...)

8)Time, rest and football!

I love Saturdays!!

Making Room..

If you know me or have read this blog long enough...you know I like to rearrange! Occasionally. The layout of our new apartment makes it much harder to rearrange anything because it is narrow and the rooms are quite a bit smaller.

Nevertheless! A certain someone joining the family soon has forced me to be very creative with furniture placement, especially in our room.

It all started very early one morning a couple of weeks ago when Ben and I were suddenly awakened by a strange noise. "What in the-" was quickly followed by a crash and we both sat up and stared bleary-eyed at the closet shelving which had just collapsed. Again.

Down came my wedding dress and basket full of material scraps. Down came all of my nicely hung, color coordinated shirts. Down came...well, everything! Of mine, that is. Nothing of Ben's!

And so for a few days, our bedroom looked like this.

And we slept out in the living room. But then my sister and her husband were coming to visit and we knew we had to do something! Ben reinforced the shelving in the closet while I started planning how to redo the room, since we had a couple new items of furniture on route from Ohio. Furniture for the princess, of course!

After much planning and thinking and reorganizing, Ben's dresser went into the closet to make room for the baby's dresser and my clothes went into some crate things that were here when we moved in . (I'm not lucky enough to have a dresser!) And slowly, Little Miss has taken over a corner of our bedroom.

This is where Ben's dresser used to be and now the baby's resides! My mom found this dresser on Craigslist and repainted it! My sister was gracious enough to transport it from Ohio to us:)

I found these bonnets online! Aren't they adorable?

My craft area which was covered in junk in the second pic above has been moved to the dining room to make room for this cradle which my mom and aunt found at an auction for $10! We found a mattress and some sheets and I am in the process of making a quilt. Speaking of, I should probably finish that....

It's still a little messy but at least she has somewhere to sleep and somewhere to put all of the clothes she is inheiriting from people!

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All went well at my 34 week check-up today! Baby is good and strong, I am doing what I should and now we wait! I have to park at parking meters when I go to appointments and they only let you park there 2 hours max. Of course, my appt went just longer than that so as I was rushing back to the car praying I wouldn't get a ticket...I stumbled and almost fell. I landed sideways on my foot, which is quite sore tonight! And then as I was gathering supplies for dinner, Zakkai dropped a toy right on the same foot tonight. Ouch!

He felt so bad and immediately hugged my leg and said, "I'm sorry, mommy!!" He has such a tender heart lately:)

So here I hobble. And waddle. It's a beautiful sight.

The First Day of School (and 32 weeks!)

My three favorite guys off to school!

Uncle Tim, Auntie K and the boys after school

Ms Mendez, S's kindergarten teacher

Zakkai decorating his nametag!

Look at my big boys:)

Samuel in line waiting to go in. Please don't tear up!!

Samuel at his table, next to his friend Fiona

Me and my preschooler and kindergartner

I am SOOOOO glad the first day of school is over! Maybe the anticipation is worse than the actual event. Maybe..

I was pretty emotional last night, I admit. My very thoughtful brother-in-law offered to pray with us before we all went to bed. I really needed that. I was pushing down feelings of panic all day yesterday over the thought of dropping off Samuel without being allowed into his classroom to settle him in. It's so very hard to trust your child to someone else's care for so many hours, especially when you don't even know them!

I think maybe I was putting myself in Samuel's shoes and feeling the intense feelings I remember as a child. I really struggled with school growing up, even throwing up the first 2-3 weeks of school every single year until 5th grade, when I made my very favorite teacher in the whole world.

But as soon as those feelings of panic arose, I pushed them down and prayed for my little one, knowing that as much as my mind cannot wrap around it, God loves my children even more than I do.

Wow. What a thought.

An amazingly after we all lifted up these two sweet boys last night in prayer, my emotions were in check and I was able to be strong for them today. Samuel woke up very emotional and was pretty teary over little things but really calmed down once I gave him a special little picture of our family to take with him to school today. He also loved the napkin I put in his lunch with a little message for him.

We were able to walk out at the same time as Ben, who was also on his way to school (to teach). When we got to school there were signs for many of the classes with balloons and the teachers waiting out front. Ms Mendez had them line up right away and greeted Samuel. He was so serious and kept watching me to gauge my reactions. The teacher thankfully let the parents come up with the class since we all had supplies. Once in the classroom she directed the kindergartners to their tables and asked the parents to be short and sweet with goodbyes. Samuel, still with a somber face, gave me sweet kisses and a hug and perked up a little when I reminded him about the picture he had with him, which he was clutching tightly in his hand.

He did SO well and I am so proud of him!

Z and I went to wait in the parent's room til it was his turn. His class was divided into shorter sessions today to make it less chaotic. He got to have a little chocolate donut hole and sit with me for awhile. He did so great once it was his turn! I helped him pick out a cubby for his book bag and get started decorating his namecard for his cubby. He was so happy once he started decorating and let go of my hand willingly. There was only a brief minute of hesitation and then he was happy! When I got up to go out for a little bit, he said, "Okay!" cheerfully.

Zakkai was so charged up after his session! He talked non-stop for the rest of the day, with a short nap as the exception. Samuel, on the other hand, was very very tired. He actually went into his room after his snack, informing Zakkai that he needed some "quiet time." :) And he shut the door and had quiet time for a long time!

All in all, it was a very very good day. Thank you, Lord!
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Today also marks 32 weeks! I, or she I should say, has grown significantly lately! I have a big ole' belly!

I feel good, just tired and cumbersome!

She:

*Moves a ton but is starting to run out of room!

*Still gets the hiccups several times a day

*Has more clothes than the boys ever had at this point!

*Is much anticipated!! I cannot wait to meet her and can't believe there are only 8 (or less!) weeks left

*Is getting lots of attention from the boys, even Zakkai finally!

Our Baby Shower

We have a very dear group of friends from our housegroup that we were a part of for the past few years. Most Thursday nights, we met with this group and talked about as many aspects of marriage as you can talk about, life, shared hurts and joys with one another, ate lots of yummy snacks (mostly desserts:) and more!

Last night, this group of friends who has been like our family here in Chicago, threw us a couple's baby shower. It was seriously, the most amazing baby shower I have ever had or been to! Neither Ben and I know how to express to these wonderful, kind, selfless friends how very much it meant to us and how honored and blessed we felt to celebrate our baby's coming with them.

There were fresh flowers everywhere, which, as you can see, they shared for everyone to take home! There were fresh garlands of baby's breath strung from the doorways and the fireplace, made by the hostess Erin. A lot of time and love was put into making them.

And they so very generously gave gifts to our little Gift! Our friend, D, handmade these items above with such love and perfection, that we were so overwhelmed! I have never seen such beautiful baby gifts in my life! These are things I will treasure forever and pass down to her children....maybe:)

We also recieved things we really needed, as the first two rapscallions wore out or stained a lot of stuff! We got onsies, pants, dresses, socks, a knitted blanket and lots of little items used in a game.

Speaking of games: the most fun baby shower games I've ever seen! Joy, who hosted the game playing, did a price is right game where she had baby items up for bid and we had to guess the right prices. Ben and another friend ended up in the showcase showdown at the end! Ben lost because he underbid by $4 or so and the other, a new mom, won by being only 12 cents away from the right price!;) There was also a boys/girls relay where we did things like diapering a melon blindfolded, feeding the next person baby food pears (blindfolded!), matching up baby socks (You guess it...blindfolded), drinking water from a baby's bottle, searching for outlet covers in a bucket of beans and passing a pacifier from skewer stick to skewer stick.

The guys won. But only because they cheated. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!

And the food, most of which was prepared by Ben and Emily, was SOOO good! There was pasta salad (which Z said he wasn't going to eat and then devoured:), bean salad, panini sandwhiches, frozen fruit cups, brownies and these other devlish cookie things. And a beautiful cake served at the end, by crafty D!

The time and the love put into this shower made it one of the most memorable parties ever and is something that we will treasure. We can't wait to share with Baby Girl how very much she is loved and blessed already!

7 Months!

Today I am 28 weeks along/7 months! Growing like a weed:) For my records (and later Baby's), I like to update what is happening each month!

I wasn't really feelin' the picture tonight, as I haven't felt the best today. Just a bit headachey and worn out. Hopefully I'll be back to myself tomorrow!

I am:

*Just starting to feel a wee bit of 3rd trimester (you heard me right; 3rd tri already!) let down in energy. Just a few more minor discomforts but nothing too bad!

*Am growing, growing, growing which means Baby Girl is growing, too! She is supposedly around 2 1/2 lbs now but obviously still has a lot more weight to put on!

*Groan a bit getting up from the floor after playing with the boys now. Haha! I think they are starting to wonder what in the world has happened to mommy!

*Feeling this little one move like crazy! She breakdances inside all day but especially at night when I finally relax:) She gets the hiccups at least twice a day and I can practically time my bedtime by the 2nd set of them!

*Praying that she will change positions! She moved sometime between last night and this morning and must now be legs down because she is kicking every organ down low in my body possible, especially my bladder!

*Cannot believe there are only 12 weeks left. I know it will go by quickly especially after the boys start school (in 4 weeks!) I was amazed that they let me schedule all the rest of my dr's appts today! Only one more 4 week visit before I start going every 2 weeks. wow!

*Am really looking forward to our baby shower this weekend, being thrown by our housegroup! I can't wait to see all of them again and feel so honored that they are celebrating with us! I really wish my family could be there though.

*Can't wait to meet this little person!

Introducing (again):

In 3D: Girly Thomas! (sorry it's a little blurry; I had to take pics of the pics:)

Her legs and feet! In the real pic, it is clear enough to count her toes!

Her profile! She was hiding her head in the placenta and being shy but we got a few good shots of her before she completely turned her back on us:)

Her smile! She is very happy inside me kicking and causing all sorts of mischief:) (No, she doesn't have a deformed head; it's the placenta again!)

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I'm glad to have these pics to look at at the end of a really trying day!

p.s. We have chosen her name and have shared it with family and a few friends but for some reason, I'm not quite ready to type it out on the blog! It'll give me something really fun to write in the fall:)

4th of July and 24 weeks!

The 4th of July was so strange this year, being on a Sunday! All the parades and a lot of the fireworks were on Saturday but we didn't have our family picnic until Sunday afternoon. Not to mention, missing some of our family this year.

Growing up, 4th of July was one of my very favorite holidays! My sister(s?), cousins and I would spend the night at my grandparents and wake up to a car driving slowly down the streets proclaiming through a bullhorn strapped to its roof, "Wake up! It's the 4th of July!!" We would get so excited:) And then our entire family would meet at the local parade and follow it up with our picnic bash.

Slowly over the past several years, the family has fizzled out, some being too busy, some claiming they are too old or tired to go to the parade, some preferring to sleep in (sleep in? What's that?!). But last year I decided that my very happy childhood memories were something I wanted to pass on to our kids so we have attempted to revive the parade attending! We had a small showing this year but it was still fun!

Samuel and Daddy:) Samuel was pretty overwhelmed with the noise of a lot of the fire engines and trucks but enjoyed it overall.

Most of the parade, Z sat on the curb waving his flag with a very serious look on his face. My sister thought he was upset but I could see those little wheels in his head turning as he took in all of the sights!

Who doesn't love the cool burly cop on the motorcycle?

I thought the boys would love this since we recently had our fire rally experience:)

This is one of my favorite parts of the parade: the Shriners in their mini cars! They drive around and around in crazy circles blowing their horns. They usually drive up and down the parade so you see them 3 times or so but not this year. It was still fun:)

Attempting a boy cousin shot after the parade but as you can see, a certain child wasn't in the mood for cooperating:) I shall not mention any names....

It was really fun even if it's a little more low-key than my childhood memories:)
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Today marks 24 weeks of being pregnant, aka 6 months! All was well at the drs except for the nasty glucose test that was sprung on me. I loathe that test. They hand you a giant glass of either orange or lemon-lime glucose nast to drink and then take your blood an hour later. Today I was honored with lemon-lime which tasted like totally flat sprite loaded with sugar syrup. Yum-mo. Zakkai wanted a taste until I assured him that it was a "nasty drink." It made me have heartburn and feel sloshy for the rest of the drs visit!

Other than that, baby girl and I are growing steadily and feeling great! I am in the happy phase of pregnancy with no sickness like in the beginning and not feeling like I could burst quite yet, like in the end:)


We love to eat though, the two of us:) I have very specific desires for food these days. Guacamole is my latest. I made it for the first time last night and ADORED every bite of it on my tacos! Very strange considering I never liked the stuff before! I also am having quite fond memories of my buttery bites of Auntie Anne's pretzels that I had alongside my sister this past weekend. Mmmm....

That's drs appt #1 for this week. Samuel's 5 yr check-up follows tomorrow (and he's really thrilled about it. Thrilled, I tell you!) I will also try to scan some pics from the ultrasound soon!

Beautiful

I'm pregnant. I know, news flash, right? Bear with me for a minute. Your body changes a lot during pregnancy and very quickly! The first time, you can't wait to have a belly bump and wear those maternity clothes and shout to the whole world that your baby is on the way!! The second or third time...it happens just a little quicker than you'd like:)

I have made a couple comments in pregnancy posts about feeling "Huge" or being a little "chubbier" in person. I apologize if I offended anyone in making those comments. When you are pregnant and your body is changing so fast and your belly is growing about every 5 minutes, you tend to have good days and bad days! I have days where I wake up and think, "Damn! You're a sexy pregnant lady! Watch out!" (except I don't really say the "D" word:)

And there are other days where I wake up and want to throw on a mu-mu (because I have a lot of those lying around, you know) and some scruffy slippers and hide in the house because nothing else really fits anyways. It's just how I feel. And I'd say it's pretty normal to have these good and bad days! (even for non-pregnant women!)

But you know what makes me feel beautiful? My husband. 10 1/2 years of being together, over 7 years of marriage, 3rd child on the way, almost 11 years older than when I met him....and he still thinks I'm beautiful. Probably even more so.

I don't know if this being probably our last baby makes him appreciate this whole process more or what, but I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me! He randomly tells me, usually with a startled expression like it is a new revelation that I look "so beautiful" or what a cute belly I have or my face is so pretty and more! He treats me so tenderly and protects me and the baby so fiercely. He makes me feel really beautiful.

So please, if I have a bad day or even if I make a silly joke (which I am prone to do) and say that I feel like a whale, bear with me! I am changing and growing and carrying a little miracle and adjusting to all that comes with that.

But Ben and God think I'm beautiful. And that's enough for me:)

Introducing:

Baby Girl Thomas! She was very coy the whole time, crossing her legs and spinning around until the end. Samuel kept saying, "Uncross your legs, baby!" Everything looks great which makes me so thankful! That is what I really wanted today.

Baby possibly sucking her thumb!

Beautiful arm! She liked to move her hands up by her face.

Look at that beautiful profile!!!

I about fell off the table! I was 99.99% sure it was going to be a boy and was so shocked! I am still having a hard time believing it...

Her whole body; just chillin'! In case you aren't ultrasound savvy~her head is to the right, with her hand by the face again. Then big belly and to the left both her legs bent and CROSSED and up in the air:)

And here's me! 20 weeks today with a half-baked baby! This picture is way too kind for some reason. I swear I am much chubbier in person! Goodness, I like this camera...

I:

*Feel this baby move like crazy, especially at night time. Started feeling her really well just after 15 weeks. She is very active which may or may not be indicative of the future....uh oh! Samuel got to feel her yesterday for the first time and was THRILLED!!

*Feel fantastic! (Other than the random gimpy hip, heartburn and ligament stretching pain. Haha!)

*Definitely look pregnant and not just chubbier. You know, where people glance at your belly and then rapidly away, afraid to ask if you're pregnant or just indulging in too many brownies?!

*Have gained 5 lbs in the past 5 weeks. That is always my least fav part of the dr.'s appts~stepping on the scale! I'm always afraid the nurse will gasp in shock over how much I've gained or something. But it always turns out well:) so far anyways...

*Get asked by the boys why I have to pee so much:) Haha! The bathroom is like my second home.

*Am a little nervous about how hot the summer is going to be. I've never been pregnant through the whole summer, into the heat of late July and August. I am lobbying for the air conditioners to be put in soon. But the air conditioning "ruler" has said no. Sigh.

Happy Day today!!

16 Weeks and Alphabet Train

Today marks 16 weeks (for those of us annoying pregnant people that count in weeks!) or 4 months (for those who say...16 weeks equals??)


*I am humongous. Yes. Yes, I am. I am struggling a bit with looking so big so quickly but I guess that's what happens when it's #3, right? (say "right" to make me feel better, okay?)

*I am finally up to my "normal" weight, after having been down several pounds due to constant sickness, mouth surgery and 1st trimester crappiness.

*I am feeling SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better in these past 2 1/2 weeks than I have since....November! I am feeling more normal, eating more things (goodbye toast forever), and gagging much less! As a matter of fact, I think I actually made it through brushing my teeth last night without gagging. Woohoo!

*The smell of Ben's coffee makes.me.want.to.vomit. I tried banning him from drinking coffee for the next 5 months. He didn't take to that suggestion well. New plan...

*I feel the baby move a lot now, especially in this past week! Mostly in the evenings when I finally sit down and relax! I love, love, love to feel this teeny tiny little person kicking or punching or whatever the little bean is doing. My favorite part of pregnancy!!

*I can still wear some of my normal pants, thanks to the Belly Band! (never had one of those before but = awesome!) I really dislike having tight pants pressing on my burgeoning belly. Not ready for most maternity clothes although at this rate, it won't be long... (enter ego-boosting compliment here)

*I have the most bizarre dreams ever. Really. I don't know if it's the hormones or what but man are they long, detailed and involve the weirdest people or situations! Like the one the other day about the creepy (seriously...creeeeeeepy) man who was trying to electrocute me to death with a pen and I kicked him down the stairs like 7 times while I dialed 911 and he kept getting back up. Great dream.

*Can hardly wait to find out who is joining our family 4 weeks from this morning! Really hoping this jumping bean cooperates...

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The boys showing off their finished alphabet train puzzle that I got today at the Salvation Army for $2!!
They seriously did it 6 times this afternoon. Best $2 spent ever!

Cute story of the day:

So, in between puzzling, I gave the boys a bath (they insisted they were stinky and in need of bathing...). When I was lotioning them down and getting pj's on, Zakkai was talking all about how he is going to be a spaceman when he grows up. Spaceman this and spaceman that. Finally Samuel looked up at him and said, "But I don't want you to leave me!"

Zakkai stopped for a minute with a worried look on his face and said, "Don't worry, buddy, I won't leave you! It's okay, buddy." (heart melting all over again here..) Then he stopped, obviously pondering how he could fix this situation and came back with, "Mommy and Daddy and Samuel and Zakkai will all be spacemen!"

Samuel scrunched his face up and said, "No. I don't want to be a spaceman. I just want to stay here."

Zakkai, "Then mommy and I will be spacemen and you can stay here with daddy. Then you won't be alone, buddy. Okay?"

Seriously, cute. I love those boys!!