Today wasn't nearly as good of a day as the past two. Not because of the newness wearing off~it's too soon for that. No, we just didn't get off to a good start and I never really recovered from it.
It happens sometimes.
This morning the kiddies and I were a few minutes into our walk to school when Zakkai almost got hit by a car. No joke, no exaggeration. It still makes me tear up and tremble to think about it.
He was running along the sidewalk, in Zakkai world, looking at the street but not paying attention to the driveway he was about to run across. I was just a bit behind him pushing the stroller with Samuel by my side when I saw the minivan zooming backwards down the driveway.
My heart stopped. I screamed "Stop!! Zakkai!!!!" Zakkai skidded to a stop and the man backing up screeched to a stop. Just a few feet to spare.
I started yelling at Zakkai, out of pure raw emotion, about not paying attention. And then I started shaking from head to toe. The man in the minivan didn't say a word, just waited for us to pass over his driveway so he could continue on. I got a few feet on the other side, no one was saying a word, when I started shaking so bad my legs couldn't even walk. I showed Zakkai my shaking hands, trying to get across to him how serious it was! He was refusing to look at me.
The man pulled over to the side of the road, got out of his van and gave a very half-hearted attempt at an apology and walked away. I burst into tears and we kept walking to school. Samuel kept asking me if I was okay and I said, "No."
How could I be? My baby almost got seriously injured or worse right in front of my eyes. It took me the rest of the walk to pull myself together enough to join the other throngs of oblivious parents in dropping off their little ones.
As I recounted the incident later to Ben, I got overwhelmed with a rush of panicky "What ifs..." You know how those go.
What if Eliana had dropped a toy (a new habit of hers) and I'd bent down to pick it up? I wouldn't have stopped him in time. What if my phone had rung? What if I was looking away for even a brief second? What if he'd actually been hit?
But I know from past experience, that the "What ifs" rarely solve anything or give you the ability to heal and move on. I need to just be incredibly thankful tonight that my sweet boy is alive. He's okay and none of the What Ifs happened.
Thank you, God.
So you can see why the rest of my day was a bit off. I was frustrated easily, losing my patience and alternately struggling with the fear that wanted to creep in and take hold: What if it happens again?
I'm thinking a good quiet time is in order for me. And a brand new day.
To end on a lighter note, here is a video I took yesterday at lunchtime of Eliana having a very loud conversation while trying to pull up. The boys thought she was hilarious. And so did I.