Back to Reality

Each time we travel home, after a fun-filled weekend with family and friends, and enter the oppressive craziness of this city, I feel my relaxation slip away and my shoulders start to tense. My heart begins to feel heavy and I dread slipping back into reality. It's not that I don't like it here because most of the time I do; it's not that I don't have great friends here, because I do; it's not that there aren't really good things about our life here, because there are! It's missing having my family close by and sharing in their daily lives, it's not getting to hang out with my sister and wander around stores or watch Dr. Quinn reruns together, it's not seeing my mom more than 4 times a year and being around her comforting presence, it's not having my boys live close to their grandma and mugga, cousins and aunts and great grandparents and really get to know them.

I hate that these special times have to be smothered with this feeling because it leaves me floundering for a few days, trying to find my footing again.

If you're reading this: K, I had a lot of fun staying with you. Your home is so beautiful and you've done such a nice job fixing it up with such homey touches. I am sorry that we practically destroyed your house and left you with chaos. I'm still not sure why it happened but I'm really really sorry. I loved watching Dr. Quinn with you and playing Monopoly hours after we should've left:) I can't wait to see you again in a few weeks. I love you.

Mom, the bonfire had to have been the highlight of my weekend. I have always been sad that I could never experience that with you. You have the perfect home for a chilly autumn bonfire:) Those roasted hotdogs and s'mores couldn't have tasted any better! The boys are still talking about it. I love you.

Mama-in-love, we had SO much fun with you at Chuck-E-Cheese's on Saturday! We saw another one on the way home yesterday and the boys were really excited! They are still carrying around their little "suitcases":) It was so nice to spend time with you. Thank you for creating a special memory for our boys. You have such a pure and beautiful heart. We love you so much! And we are still really sorry for worrying you yesterday:( We can't wait to see you soon!

Grandma, I love hugging you and seeing your sweet loving smile. I love that you are still crazy enough to get up at 4 am and shop:) We have a special family, don't we? I am so glad you came to the bonfire, too, on Saturday and I hope you're finally warm now! I can't wait to see you again and hear your familiar, sweet voice and see your eyes light up just because you're with your family. I love you.

I have so much to be thankful for and that is what I will focus on as I readjust to "reality." And I do have two little boys, one in particular, who are so excited about Christmas and for whom I can create special memories in the next few weeks. Yes, that's what I'll think about today..