Ballerinas and Weekend Fun!

 We actually had a really pleasant weekend, for once! On Friday night, some friends of ours from church, an older couple, called and asked if they could take the boys to have some fun on Saturday afternoon and to spend the night! The boys thought about it overnight (they were a little nervous!) and decided they really wanted to go. So our friends, who have been like surrogate grandparents to us over this past year or so, picked up the boys and took them to a movie, followed by Chuck-E-Cheeses and then to their house. They called twice to say hello to me and to say goodnight. They were having the time of their lives!

Meanwhile, Eliana was invited to her very first birthday party for a friend we met at MOPS and it was at a dance studio. Talk about CUTE!

The girls could dress in any princess or dance-ish outfit they wanted. They were all adorable! Eliana wanted to wear her ballet costume that I found on clearance last month at Kohls. Gosh, she's cute!

The parents weren't allowed to stay for the party since the studio doesn't have a lot of room. Eliana was a little nervous but was okay when we left. We got to spend about an hour and 15 minutes walking around our cute little downtown area! Just the two of us; like a mini date! We haven't been on a date in an embarrassingly long time so we get a lot of pleasure out of even an hour to ourselves! It was really relaxing and the weather was gorgeous on Saturday.

They asked all the parents to come back 10 minutes early for a little "recital" that the girls put on for us. How cute are all these munchkins?

Each little girl was handed a sparkly star wand when they came in and somewhere in the dancing confusion, Eliana set hers down and someone quickly claimed it since it was purple:) All that were left were the white ones but she seemed happy with the substitute!

There wasn't room to stand to the side of E so I had to video her from behind. Still, SO precious! We loved every second of it:)

 

Then since we were down to only one child (how easy is that??) we decided to use a gift card we had and go out to eat! What a rare treat for this little ducky! She had such a good time.

It was a really nice day!

Looking so pretty on Mother's Day in her sundress:)

 After church, we were invited back to our friends' house for a late lunch/early dinner. The boys were so at home with them and really didn't want to leave! They had had such a good time over the weekend and were totally spoiled rotten:)

Mr. Chuck, Ms. Sally and our trio! They will always hold special places in our hearts for taking us in the way they have over this past year. They made our weekend so special and blessed us tremendously!

That's it in a nutshell!

Mother's Day.

I was hoping to post a picture or two of my mom and I and sadly, can't find any of the two of us together! So, I'll stick to words tonight:)

I think mothers are amazing. It's kind of funny to say that since I am a mother now and I struggle with thinking I am a good one. But maybe all mothers struggle sometimes. Wondering if her love is enough. If it covers enough hurt. If it strengthen and fortifies enough. If it's unconditional enough. If she did enough period.

I've learned about mothers in stages. First, as a child, receiving the love of my mom greedily. Taking for granted her loving hugs, gentle guidance, homemade cookies, the special memories she created. Just knowing she was my mom and she loved me. She was my safe place. She was mine. Mother.

Then, as a teenager, struggling through finding my own identity. An easy time to misunderstand a mother's constant love. To not be able to see it as clearly as you wrestle with the pains of growth and insecurity. A time when children often lash out in some way at the one person who is constantly on their side. Mother.

As a newly emerged young adult. Finding a new footing; coming from under the shelter of her love and into a new stage of mother-turning-friend. Seeking her guidance while trying to find my own way. Barely beginning to see the depths, the enormity of what her love and sacrifice covered in my childhood. Not even realizing that even then she was loving me enough to let me become a woman myself. Mother.

Then, meeting my mother-in-law and seeing another mother, who's love shaped her own sons, extend her love to cover me. A mother who loved her son so much, she had to let him go and trust me to love him, too. Mother.

Becoming a mother myself. And having that first inkling of what my mom felt for me when she first held me in her arms and as she watched me grow. That first understanding of what my mother-in-law meant when she said that having a child of your own fills you with such joy and such pain all at the same time. A tender, beautiful mother heart that is meant to be broken. Sometimes over and over again.

Throughout my almost 9 years as a mommy myself, I have slowly uncovered more of the depth and riches of a mother's love. I have seen more and more clearly how powerful, amazing and utterly life-changing it is.  I begin to see that even as I understand more and more clearly as I age, I will never ever know how much she gave for me. How much she hurt for me. How much she prayed for me. How much she gave of herself for me.

How even now, with all of her children grown, she still loves. She still hurts, she still prays, she still gives. And she will never stop until she breathes her last breath.

Whether a mother is a great-grandmother, opening her arms even wider to encompass her children's children's children. Whether she is a grandmother, sharing her special love with the next little generation. Or she is still in the active, exhausting, exhilarating stage of mothering. She will never stop loving.

Even as it fills her heart, breaks her heart, mends her heart, empties her heart and fills it again. She'll do it. Over and over and over again. She's amazing. And she's mine. She's yours. She's mother, whether she's still on this earth or watching over you in heaven.

 To my mom most of all. To my grandma. To my mother-in-love. Three women, whose mother hearts have shaped me, touched me and loved me. Happy Mother's Day.

What's in a name?

What comes to mind when you hear the name, "Zacchaeus?"

I'm sure that if you have any familiarity with the Bible, a song will pop into your head right about now.... "Zacchaeus was a wee little man and a wee little man was he! He climbed up in the sycamore tree for the Lord he wanted to see!" (and on it goes.) You're welcome for getting that in your head now:)

Anyways, I'm going somewhere with this! Ben discovered something really cool 2 nights ago that he was really excited about. Ready? Zacchaeus is actually a translation of Zakkai!

We often get asked about Zakkai's unusual name~ how we chose it, what it means, where it is from, etc. We tell them that it is a Hebrew name, meaning "Pure, righteous or innocent." Beautiful meaning! We were having trouble choosing a second set of boy names and one evening a few months before Z was born, Ben came around the corner with one of his Hebrew books and started reading off names. I said, "No. No. No. Um, what? No. Wait, what was that last one?" And we both went, "Hmm. Zakkai. Kind of cool!" And the more we tossed it around on our tongues and thought about it and heard the meaning, we loved it! Even better, the name is in the Old Testament, although it is originally spelled, "Zacchai." We changed it to double "k's" since we assumed (correctly) that most people would pronounce it "Za-chai" like the drink.

Most people pronounce it wrong anyways:) He most often gets called, "Zachary" or "Zakkaia," with an extra "a" on the end.

But the other night, Ben was doing some reading in preparation for the boys' Latin lesson and he suddenly discovered that Zacchaeus translated through the Hebrew, Greek and Latin is actually the name for Zakkai! So when Jesus called him down from the tree, he would've said, "Zacchai, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today."

And even better, Zacchaeus repented immediately and gave away half of his possessions to the poor so that he could follow Jesus. Pretty cool, eh?!

AND to add to the story, guess what is one of the nicknames we have called Zakkai off and on throughout his 7 years of life.... Zacchaeus. Really. We called him "Zachnitch," "Z-man" and "Zacchaeus." And we never knew this whole time!

He's a pretty cool little dude and now his name's even cooler than we thought:) We'll keep him!

It Matters.

As you know, it has been a tough year for us with struggles and disappointments and a lot of unknowns. We have spent a lot of time on our knees praying (literally sometimes), there have been many tears and dark days and faint glimmers of hope. Lots of love and prayers and support from the people we love the most.

We have finally come to a really difficult and painful decision in these past few days. We are moving back to Ohio. For now. There can be no promises about our future. We have no idea what we will be doing there or where we will be living, at the moment anyways, but we do know that despite the sadness that accompanies this decision, we will be surrounded by family who love us. And that, we are so thankful for.

We left home almost 11 years ago, moving away from everything familiar to embark on this crazy adventure called graduate school. We really and truly believed that this was where God was leading us and that He was going to use it in a big way, and while the steps shifted and changed along the journey, our faith and belief in our vision didn't waver. First the Master's in Indiana and then onward to Chicago for the illustrious P.h.D. We had absolutely no idea what it would entail or ask of us. We were clueless to the demands and sacrifices it would bleed out of us. We didn't know, as most people don't, how it would change us and shape us.

If we are honest, both of us would probably tell you at the moment that if we could go back again, we aren't sure we would do this again. The cost has been high. We have to believe, though, that the original desire to pursue this in honor of God matters. We have to believe that He can make beauty from ashes. We have to believe that He can take the scraps of the mess that is us and mold it into something useful, worthy or beautiful, even if scarred.

We aren't going to Ohio with the "dream job." That notion shattered somewhere along the way these past 3 years, the final blow being Scotland. We aren't sure what these past 10+ years meant or how God will use them. We are just hanging on to the hope that we matter to Him. That it matters.

It being dreams, desires, hopes, disappointments, loss, fear, struggles. All of it.

We have a mere 5 1/2 weeks left here, in the place we have called home for almost 9 years. We have memories to pack up, belongings to weed through, friends to say good-bye to, a Chicago bucket list to cross off, school to finish up for the boys, and a huge, long, overwhelming list of things to do to prepare. To prepare for something we don't know.

This is taking a lot of faith for us. To place this uncertainty of our future, our longings, our grief, our fledgling hopes, our deep desire to see Him make sense of all of this and placing it all in His hands. We humbly ask for your prayers for provision, for guidance, for protection over our family and for a deep peace as we take this next step.

It matters.

Happy Friday!

 We are wrapping up a long week here in rainy Chicago with some delicious homemade pizza and mini banana cream pies. Mmmm...I may be trying to cook healthier options but that doesn't mean we don't thoroughly enjoy our Friday night desserts!

Here's a picture of Eliana the other day, wearing her Easter bunny ears, a gift from her Grandma:)

Last night Eliana earned yet another prize for completing her sticks (she gets prizes every 7 sticks; the boys every 10). She picked a puzzle, which Daddy helped her with!

She doesn't get doted on or anything around here:)

Ben often dances with me in the kitchen (which the kids love to watch!), especially when he is playing music on his computer. Yesterday at lunchtime, he was playing a fun jazzy tune and did a quick dance with me. Next thing you know, Eliana hopped down from her chair where she had been happily munching on lunch and begged to dance with her Daddy. A sweet video we will cherish forever! Gosh, she's cute:)

*Can't figure out why blogger is not showing the top half of the video. The original video does include Ben's head:)

Happy Friday!