Day Two

Day two wasn't nearly as smooth as day one. I guess I didn't really expect it or maybe I did but wasn't willing to go there?

Zakkai did great but I felt really bad that I had to rush my drop-off since the boys start at the same time and S's class was already lining up outside. Z said goodbye quite happily to me but I still felt bad because it wasn't like I had planned in my head. And then I grabbed Samuel's hand and we hurried down the stairs to go outside and join his class only to be met by them coming inside in a nice neat line.

As soon as I tried to usher Samuel into line, he started crying and saying, "I don't want to go. I don't want to go!" The teacher glanced back but kept marching up the stairs with the rest of the class. Samuel planted his feet and refused to go so I had to grab his hand and force him to come with me up the stairs. He was pleading with me not to go into his classroom and my heart was breaking into a million pieces.

Finally his teacher, after getting the rest of the kids settled at their tables and seeing that me trying to comfort him and lead him into the classroom wasn't working, told me I could come in with Samuel. I got him seated at his table and hugged him, whispering a prayer in his ear and reminding him that Z was just down the hall and I was going to be close by. And then I reminded him that he had his special family picture with him to look at and remember how much we love him. I kissed him and then I walked away, my heart hurting but knowing I was doing the best thing for my big boy.

And then I went out to my car and burst into tears. Thankfully my grandma was home and she talked to me for awhile, offering sympathy and wisdom and reminding me that I did the exact same thing to my mom and my mom did it to her! I felt much calmer after talking to her but did have several bouts of tears today and feel quite emotionally exhausted.

Thankfully, there was a smile from S when I picked him up today and his teacher had some reassuring things to say. I was happy to hear that she is trying to be sensitive to his sensitivity and taking some extra time with him. I can only pray that it will keep getting better as we settle into a routine.

Because I don't think my heart can take much more of this.
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Getting goodbye hugs from daddy.

The First Day of School (and 32 weeks!)

My three favorite guys off to school!

Uncle Tim, Auntie K and the boys after school

Ms Mendez, S's kindergarten teacher

Zakkai decorating his nametag!

Look at my big boys:)

Samuel in line waiting to go in. Please don't tear up!!

Samuel at his table, next to his friend Fiona

Me and my preschooler and kindergartner

I am SOOOOO glad the first day of school is over! Maybe the anticipation is worse than the actual event. Maybe..

I was pretty emotional last night, I admit. My very thoughtful brother-in-law offered to pray with us before we all went to bed. I really needed that. I was pushing down feelings of panic all day yesterday over the thought of dropping off Samuel without being allowed into his classroom to settle him in. It's so very hard to trust your child to someone else's care for so many hours, especially when you don't even know them!

I think maybe I was putting myself in Samuel's shoes and feeling the intense feelings I remember as a child. I really struggled with school growing up, even throwing up the first 2-3 weeks of school every single year until 5th grade, when I made my very favorite teacher in the whole world.

But as soon as those feelings of panic arose, I pushed them down and prayed for my little one, knowing that as much as my mind cannot wrap around it, God loves my children even more than I do.

Wow. What a thought.

An amazingly after we all lifted up these two sweet boys last night in prayer, my emotions were in check and I was able to be strong for them today. Samuel woke up very emotional and was pretty teary over little things but really calmed down once I gave him a special little picture of our family to take with him to school today. He also loved the napkin I put in his lunch with a little message for him.

We were able to walk out at the same time as Ben, who was also on his way to school (to teach). When we got to school there were signs for many of the classes with balloons and the teachers waiting out front. Ms Mendez had them line up right away and greeted Samuel. He was so serious and kept watching me to gauge my reactions. The teacher thankfully let the parents come up with the class since we all had supplies. Once in the classroom she directed the kindergartners to their tables and asked the parents to be short and sweet with goodbyes. Samuel, still with a somber face, gave me sweet kisses and a hug and perked up a little when I reminded him about the picture he had with him, which he was clutching tightly in his hand.

He did SO well and I am so proud of him!

Z and I went to wait in the parent's room til it was his turn. His class was divided into shorter sessions today to make it less chaotic. He got to have a little chocolate donut hole and sit with me for awhile. He did so great once it was his turn! I helped him pick out a cubby for his book bag and get started decorating his namecard for his cubby. He was so happy once he started decorating and let go of my hand willingly. There was only a brief minute of hesitation and then he was happy! When I got up to go out for a little bit, he said, "Okay!" cheerfully.

Zakkai was so charged up after his session! He talked non-stop for the rest of the day, with a short nap as the exception. Samuel, on the other hand, was very very tired. He actually went into his room after his snack, informing Zakkai that he needed some "quiet time." :) And he shut the door and had quiet time for a long time!

All in all, it was a very very good day. Thank you, Lord!
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Today also marks 32 weeks! I, or she I should say, has grown significantly lately! I have a big ole' belly!

I feel good, just tired and cumbersome!

She:

*Moves a ton but is starting to run out of room!

*Still gets the hiccups several times a day

*Has more clothes than the boys ever had at this point!

*Is much anticipated!! I cannot wait to meet her and can't believe there are only 8 (or less!) weeks left

*Is getting lots of attention from the boys, even Zakkai finally!

Guests

We've been busy with family in town! My sister and her hubby honor us with a visit every Labor Day weekend and we hang out, playing games, visiting places in Chicago that we don't get to go to very often, laughing, etc.

The boys get so excited they can hardly stand it! They asked me a bazillion times leading up to Friday when Auntie K and Uncle Tim were coming:) We went to Navy Pier yesterday. We finally figured out that we have a bus that stops 2 blocks from our house that goes straight down to Navy Pier! It was a gorgeous day yesterday, 69 degrees and sunny, and we enjoyed it watching the boats and all the people.

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On Friday afternoon, we went to meet Samuel's new kindergarten teacher. I have been praying all summer for a teacher he could really connect with and feel comfortable since transition can be so difficult for him and he is so nervous.

His teacher was nice and told him a little bit about what they will be doing this year, although she is still pretty unorganized. She taught 2nd grade last year and I worry about her making the transition from older, more independent kids to younger kids just coming out of preschool. She said she is all about independence and there is nothing wrong with that, as long as she realizes she is dealing with barely 5-6 year olds!! We aren't even allowed to walk them into their classroom; instead leaving them outside their door in a line. It makes me so sad to not be able to settle Samuel in especially on the first day!

I'm not sure after our meeting whether I feel better or not about this year but I do know that I can trust God to care for my precious son and protect his sweet heart. And I'll have to trust Him with my heart, too...

Mawwiage and Delato

"Mawwiage is what bwings us togethah today." (Can you guess the movie?!)

Today, Samuel was looking at some wedding pics of Ben and I and asking me some questions. He stared at one of my favorite pictures for awhile in which Ben and I are looking into each other's faces with our arms wrapped loosely around each other, smiling. Samuel said, "Mommy, was Daddy young in this picture?"

I told him yes, Daddy was younger and so was I. That picture is almost 7 1/2 years old! He looked some more and then turned around, half hiding his face behind a chair and said shyly, "Mommy, when I grow up can I be married with you?"

At first I didn't really understand what he was saying and asked him to say it again. He repeated it and I said, "Well, no buddy, you can't." Before I could explain he said, "Is it because you'll be too old?"

I tried not to smile because I could see how serious he was about this. I replied, "No, buddy. It's not because I'll be too old, it's because I'm your mommy and I can't marry you. I'm always going to be your mommy." He immediately hid his face all the way behind the chair but not before I saw the tears well up in his eyes.

He has such a sweet, tender heart. Tears over growing up and having things change to realizing that he can't hold on to me forever and marry me. I pray his beautiful little heart will be protected as he grows and changes and faces the trials of life. Please, Lord!
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On the other hand, my wild man (who has been an incredibly good listener the past few days!) was playing remote control cars with Samuel and said, "Samuel, how about your car comes to my house and they have some, some delata."

I was knitting and I looked up and thought to myself, "Delata?" Is he trying to say, "Latte?" Who would he have heard that from?

Samuel must've been thinking along the same lines because he looked puzzled and said, "Lata? What's that, Zakkai? I don't know what you're talking about."

Z said, "Delata! 'Member when Grandma came and we had delata wif her?" And then the lightbulbs went off in my (sometimes) hard-working brain and I realized he was trying to say, "Gelato!"

His face lit up as soon as I corrected him. And so did Samuel's:) I asked Z what flavor of gelato his truck was going to have and he said, "Just gelato. Gelato, gelato, gelato!"

But his next answer was, of course, "chocolate!" That's my boy!

Nada

When all else fails and you don't have anything to write.....post pics!

Samuel used to have a sock fetish:) He went through a phase when he was around 6 months or so where he loved to suck on his socks!

Maybe he thought these tasted like chocolate?

Black licorice? (shudder!) It's so hard to believe that he was ever this small...

But he was! If there were no socks around, he sucked on his two little fingers:) Still can't believe my baby is starting kindergarten next week. He may not suck on socks or his fingers anymore (only when he falls asleep at night) but he's still the sweetest, most affectionate little guy I know!