Worrying

Why is it that mothers always worry? Even when we don't have anything to worry about, we find something! Sometimes I feel like something is "wrong" if I'm not worrying. I really should be so thankful for the health and happiness of my children but instead I spend so much time fearing the unknown; always afraid that something is going to happen to them.

I don't want to spend these years worrying about the "what if's", instead entrusting the precious lives of my sons to our very big, loving God. And I most definitely do not want to pass this hereditary trait on to my children! I would love to set an example for my boys of someone who always takes their cares and worries straight to the Lord and LEAVES THEM THERE!!!

It always reminds me of a neighbor that Ben and I used to have back in Indiana, who was 89 years old. She was the sweetest lady, although with a very strong personality! She had a fierce love for her family which you noticed as soon as you walked into her home. Her walls were literally covered with photos of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. She had buried her husband and one son only a few years before. I was very pregnant with Samuel, sitting at her table sipping tea one afternoon when I happened to mention something I was worrying about. She looked at me incredulously and said, "Why?" I said, "Why what?" She exclaimed energetically, like I was 4 years old, "Why in the world are you worrying?! Honey, as soon as I find something to worry about, I hand it over to the Lord and leave it there! He offers to take it so why am I gonna take it back?!"

I will never forget my sweet neighbor who taught me a seemingly simple, invaluable and yet very difficult lesson that day: "Cast all of your cares on Him for He cares for You."

I just hope it doesn't take until I'm 90 to learn this!

Learning to Be

I am a Child,
I am a wife,
I am a mother.
I am fulfilled,
I am learning to be,

I am a daughter,
I am a sister,
I am a friend.
I am created,
I am learning to be,

I feel love,
I feel joy,
I feel compassion,
I am touched,
I am learning to be,

I feel loneliness,
I feel sadness,
I feel desire.
I am longing,
I am learning to be,

I feel hope,
I feel comfort,
I feel forgiveness,
I am forgiven.
I am learning to be
Like Him.

Mr Potato Head

The boys have been playing so well together lately! They race, play Lego's, color and stop to have a drink in the wagon:)

Evidence that they are buddies!! I pulled this out of the closet (I hid away a few Christmas toys to bring out for afternoon entertainment) and they played very quietly together for at least 35 minutes!!

This is a mommy Mr. Potato Head. Notice he looks like a perfectly normal person...er...Mr. Potato Head!

This is a Zakkai Mr Potato Head. He often sports multiple arms, eyes or tongues..This is Mr. Potato Head the Alien Edition!

Well, it has been a long week and the boys are suffering from complete caginess and boredom! That's what you get when your mommy is injured. I feel bad for them because we usually are out and about almost everyday. They have been entertaining themselves pretty well, although it's usually right next to or on the couch with me:) I have been covered in everything from trains and Lego's to boys!

I went back to the dr.'s on Friday and had more x-rays this weekend and they are now thinking that I fractured a rib in my back. That would make sense with all of the pain I have been experiencing! Ben is an amazing husband. (I love you, Ben!!) Despite his busy schedule, he has been Mr. Mom for the past 9 1/2 days. I must say it's nice to have a break from cooking, cleaning, and some childcare but I'm pretty sure he's ready to hand the job back to me!

We have been on a Disney movie kick recently. When I was younger, a Disney movie was re-released every summer for awhile (90's!) and my mom, my younger sister, cousin and some friends would go see them for my birthday. I have such good memories of that! My favorites are 101 Dalmations, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Lady and the Tramp....So I started thinking that I want my boys to watch all of these classics! I found a few of them REALLY cheap on the internet (one for 37 cents!) and we have been watching them. We got 101 Dalmations, Cinderella and Snow White and you know what? I forgot how violent they are! Seriously, there's some scary stuff in these movies! There is always this evil stepmother lady who wants to kill the princess (or the puppies) and they get crazy eyes and it's scary! I must've conveniently fogotten all of that growing up because I was really surprised. And it makes me hesitate to show them to the boys (don't worry, I'm not that crazy!) because I know Samuel will start asking all these questions and he's in the age of "fears" and I'm afraid he'll have nightmares or something! Ok, I am being slightly crazy and I am not going to hold them back from watching Disney movies. There are far worse things out there! What are your favorite Disney classics??

If You Take a Mouse To The Movies...

"If You Take A Mouse To The Movies"
By:Laura Numeroff

Heidi: "If you take a mouse to the movies, he'll ask you for some popcorn-"
Samuel: "Why does he want some popcorn?"
Heidi: "Maybe he's hungry..."When you give him the popcorn, he'll want to string it all
together. Then he'll want to hang it on a Christmas tree-"
Samuel: "Why is he 'tringing the popcorn? Why does he want to hang it on a Christmas tree?"
Heidi: "Because he wants to decorate the tree. Ok, "You'll have to buy him one-"
Samuel: "But why do you have to buy him one?"
Heidi: "Because he doesn't have a Christmas tree. "On the way home_"
Samuel: "But mommy, why doesn't he have a Christmas tree?"
Heidi: "Well, because he hadn't bought one yet! "On the way home, he'll see a snowman in
your neighbor's yard. He'll want to make one of his own."
(pause...waiting for Samuel's question)
Samuel: "Why did he see a snowman in the neighbor's yard and want to make one of his
own?"
Heidi: (sigh) "Because...because he just did.."Then he'll need a carrot for a nose-"
Samuel: "But why does he need a carrot for a nose?"
Heidi: "Because snowmen have carrot noses!"
(fast forward 7 minutes, mouse does a bunch of stuff, including decorating a tree...)
Heidi: " When the ornaments are done-"
Samuel:(studying pictures intently) "Why are the ornaments done? Why is he glueing the
paper?"
Heidi:"Because he was making ornaments out of the paper and he finished them! "He'll
hang them all up. Then he'll stand back to look at the tree--"
Samuel: "But why is he standing back to look at the tree? Why is the tree bending over
because it has too many ornaments on it?"
Heidi: "You answered your own question! Why do you think the tree is bending over?"
Samuel: "Because it has too many ornaments on it."
(fast forward 4 more pages and 9 questions later..)
Heidi: "...he'll want you to take him to the movies."
Samuel: "Why does he want you to take him to the movies?"
Heidi sighs and closes book....

The Mommy

This is the story about a mommy who was trying to play with her boys...and ended up spending the afternoon in the ER.
That mommy is...me. It was so silly that I probably should just save my pride and not post the story! But I don't think very many people read this anyways:) I mentioned that I signed the boys up for classes and Z's are on Fridays. So, after being cooped up for 2 days due to the extreme cold (-7 on Thurs!!), we were itching to get out on Friday! Turns out we were the only ones...
Anyways, close to the end of the time, the boys were racing around in these little push toy cars. There were three cars and it makes perfect sense that since there were three of us...one car for each! The boys wanted me to race so bad so I squeezed myself into the seat of this little car, not built for a mommy, and tried to race with them. I told Samuel that I could not go forwards so we should race backwards, pushing off with our legs. I decided to give it a try, gave a mighty push backwards.....straight into the edge of a wooden table. I hit my upper back so hard that it knocked the breath straight out of me. I was literally hunched over for 5 minutes, trying to breathe. So by the grace of God and through growing pain, I got the boys and I home. Seriously, I have no idea how I got them home! I prayed the whole ways (about a 7 min walk), "Please, Lord, please, Lord."
I stumbled in and called for Ben, who was JUST about to leave for school. He helped me get the boys fed and down for naps and then we made the decision to call a friend to come watch them so we could go to the er. By this point, I was in so much pain, I was having pain in my chest and when I stood up, I kept feeling like I was going to pass out. So off we went to the lovely, wonderful, clean, and fast-paced ER! Okay, only one of those things was true...it's an er.
So after a long wait and three different lines and check-ins, a nurse gave me a Vicodin because I was moving pretty slow and in a lot of pain. About a half hour later I got called back and shortly after putting on the beautiful hospital gown so they could look at my back, started feeling incredibly...crazy! I felt like my body was being detached! I was going to throw up or pass out or...I don't even know! Ben ran to get the nurse and she tried to get me on the bed so she could listen to my heart and all of the sudden I couldn't breathe! I was gasping for air and it was the scariest thing not to get air! My hands and feet started to go numb and it got so bad that my fingers curled up in weird positions and I could not move them anymore! It was so scary. The thought running through my mind was that I was becoming paralyzed right in front of my eyes!
They were checking my back and asking Ben, "Is she always this pale?" He was like, "No!" So they sent me for lung xrays to make sure my lung hadn't collapsed (I don't know why it would've but okay..) and I felt calmer but still weird. They took xrays but left me alone in the xray room and I started to feel crazy again and was slumped over in the chair, as much as my back would allow and finally the xray technician came back in and was able to get the nurses. They determined I was having a severe reaction to the vicodin. So after lots of waiting and feeling REALLY crappy, they found no broken bones (thank, the Lord!) but said that I have a bad contusion (bruise) on my vertebrae. Fun. Oh, and never to take vicodin again...:)
So here I am, sitting on the couch, reading blogs and trying to entertain the boys without lifting them, popping the advil and trying to take it easy. Besides the physical pain, it hurts to hear the boys call for me and ask me for hugs or to pick them up...and I have to tell them I can't. They don't get it! They think mommy's and daddy's are invincible and should heal immediately! If only it were that way....
In the meantime, we're playing lots of Mr. Potato Head and watching cartoons:)

Wordless Wednesday

Please pray for this precious little girl!

Snowy, blowy days!

I was so into my "work" the other day that I wasn't paying attention to what Ben was doing to my hair:)

What better to do when you're stuck inside on a snowy day??

Zakkai playing with their "new" train table they got for Christmas!

A peek at a sweet almost-two-year old sleeping at night:)

It is snowing...again here! We got somewhere around 7 inches a few days ago and supposedly are getting another 2-4 tonight! There is lots of snow for "stomping and clomping" as we tell the boys. I took them out the other day before dinner to try to wear them out. We stomped in the snow on the playground until we got too cold:)

We were stuck inside over the weekend and before the boys could go too stir-crazy, I remembered in the back of my mind that I had stored away a box of sand in the closet for a day such as this! I laid down plastic sheeting that I use when they paint and let them go to town! It was very quiet for awhile. I am determined to do a lot of activities like this with them so that we don't feel like we were bored inside for the whole winter, especially if we're going to get snow like we are!

I enrolled the boys in some classes through our parks district. Z is in a Tots play class and S is in a tumbling class! Both classes started this past week and they were a BIG hit! Well, how can you go wrong with having a room full of toys for a toddler to play with? And Samuel, who dragged his feet the whole way to his class claiming he didn't want to go, had a blast! He got to do a "log roll" and walk on a balance beam. He will be learning forwards and backwards summersaults, beam walking, stretching, etc. The perfect thing to keep a 3 year old active!

I can't believe how big my boys are getting. Zakkai will be turning two at the end of next month. He is such a talker and copies off of everything his "Samel" does. He wants my attention a lot these days so he comes to me wherever I am and grabs my hand and says, "Come, mommy!" He also adores his daddy and asks me several times a day in his sing-songy voice, "Where's my daddy?" He is really soaking up learning right now; colors, counting, letters, words and phrases. I think I already mentioned that he tries to name the colors of things and so far everything is "bwue-orange." Well, it was really funny because yesterday was our church's anniversary so they had a little celebration and put up balloons in the church colors which happen to be....blue and orange. We walked in to church and Zakkai said, "Bwue-orange bawoons!!!" I laughed and said, "You're actually right this time, Zakkai!!"

I have heard my Grandpa talk many times about the law of retribution, which is your kids doing exactly what you did when you were little! Samuel is fulfilling that law:) He said at the breakfast table the other morning something that I said many, many times as a child, "Mommy, I don't want to get big. I just want to stay small forever!" I turned around and said, "Samuel, mommy used to say that exact same thing to Mugga when I was little!" I NEVER wanted to grow up or go to school, I just wanted to live at home forever with my mommy. And now I have a little boy who wants to do the same thing. And he has also started doing something else that I just might have done as a child:tattle-taling. Oh, I hate that word! And honestly, most of the time I am glad that Samuel does it because he catches Zakkai doing many things that I should be aware of! But still, I know Z isn't going to like this once he catches on!

We have a busy week ahead this week and I am determined to post more on this blog even when I'm tired because I want to remember all of these sweet things the boys do!

Today I was tucking in Zakkai for his nap and he looked up at me and smiled and said, "I wuv oo, mommy!!" My heart was in a puddle around my feet! That little boy has the power to reduce me to mush in seconds:) With his spiky blond hair, sparkling blue eyes and mischievious grin...He's a heart breaker!
Z is trying to learn his colors. He knows most of the names but can't match any of them up so he calls everything, "bwue-orange." The other day he said, "Mommy, I want bwue-orange nana!" As I handed him the banana, he shrieked, "A pink nana!" Oh well, like I said, at least he knows the names, right?!
Samuel and I were chatting this morning on the way to the store about family and he was telling me he hoped he would see his Auntie K and Uncle Tim again someday. I told him we would definitely see them again because Auntie K is my sister. So we had a discussion on brothers and sisters and Samuel said, "I want a girl, mommy!" I told him to tell that to daddy when he gets home:) Maybe someday, Samuel....
When we pray before we eat dinner each night, we try to hold hands. Zakkai starting holding mine a few months ago but the circle was always broken between Samuel and Zakkai. Until tonight. The boys, both with big smiles on their faces, reached out and clasped hands. I peeked my eye open for a second to see what they were during while we prayed and they were grinning at each other in between squeezing their eyes shut. It was a sweet moment!

Here's a little picture of all of my sister's kids and ours! It's a miracle that you can line 6 kids, 5 and under, up and get them all smiling! I believe we were having them yell out things like, "Pickles and ice cream!!" From R to L:
Zakkai (age 22 mos), Sofia (age 2), Dylan (age 3), Samuel (age 3 1/2), Jackson (almost 5), Jasmine (5) Can you tell which ones are siblings??!!

Mr Cool!

The boys have really been enjoying our family time this week. We've been playing with lots of new toys like Mr Potato Head, Trains, Candy Land, etc! Zakkai is thoroughly obsessed with our Christmas lights. I usually like to leave the lights up for a little longer because they're so pretty but he keeps trying to plug and unplug them in, despite multiple warnings and time-outs! I think it's time to take them down... I will really miss his happy little voice exclaiming, "See the Christmas wights!! Orn-na-MENTS!" The overwhelmed, cranky boys from Ohio are gone to be replaced with relaxed, happy and ultra-ornery stinkers!

Ben starts school again tomorrow but it won't be as busy as it was, thankfully. He should hear in the next few weeks the official results from his comps! He's going to go ahead and start working on his proposal. It's so exciting to feel like we're getting closer to the end of this long road. We have struggled, grown and changed so much during our past 3+ years here. It'll be cool to tell the boys that they spent the first several years of their lives here:)

It's so hard to believe that Zakkai will be turning two...next month! That last part just dawned on me on New Year's Eve when I was trying to go to sleep. I'm not ready for my baby to turn two! Although he does act like he's two already... He's into EVERYTHING and I must keep my secret mommy-eye on him at all times. But he is also getting older and doing more "big boy" things like asking to sit on the potty. He has no clue what he's doing but that big satisfied smile on his face when he's sitting is worth it all!

Samuel has been asking for a lot of privacy lately when using the bathroom or when getting dressed. The one that topped them all was this morning when he asked for "pwivacy" so he could put his shoes on!! Zakkai heard that and all day from him I've heard, "Mommy, need some pwicy!" He hasn't a clue what privacy is but since "Samel" said it, it must be important!!